Storybrooke Discovers Fanfiction
by Eyes like Dawn
Summary: Emma discovers fanfiction, and called up those she knows in town. Hilarity ensues. Crack-fic, Crack-fic Crack-fic. Just a one shot of my terrible and I do mean terrible humor. Enjoy.


_A/N: Crack-fic Crack-fic Crack-fic. I can't stress that enough. I'm just poking fun, it's not serious I love everyone's stories and I admire all the creativity. It's just for fun ^.^ _

**Disclaimer: I own nothing concerning Once Upon A Time.**

**~8~8~**

Storybrooke, while a rather small home town place is not a dainty, world forgotten shire stuck in the Stone Age. While their maybe about only three old stoplights swinging from wires rigged from telephone poles and dingy rusted telephone booths dotted around the corners, the small town lacks nothing in the way of television, cell phones, computers, and other forms of electronic entertainment.

In fact, save for the odd fairs, and carnivals circled around important town dates and holidays, the only entertainment is from electronics.

Mr. Gold snuffled sleepily as he slowly opened his bleary eyes. The world was still dark and hunkered down for rest, and the smeared numbers brightly stamped blinkingly on his alarm clock read 1:25 Am. His phone, an old off white landline, rang in a raucous din that blared through his ears like a horn.

Behind him he could feel Belle start to shift from sleep, her warmth moving twisting as she attempted and failed to shake off the enthrallment of slumber beside her husband.

A curse grumbled from the business man lips as he fumbled sleepily for the phone. It slipped from his grip, right as he grasped it; tumbling to the floor, but he managed to snatch it up before the other person could hang up.

"Hello?" He greeted in a less than pleasant sleep coated murmur.

"Gold." A feminine voice spoke through the receiver, her tone an odd mixture of disgust and acceptance.

Immediately the business man shook off the enchantment of sleep, his mind cleared and annoyed. "Miss Swann, do you realize it's one in the morning?" He growled quietly. "Unless Regina is up to something so early in the wee hours of dawn I suggest you hang up this instant and allow me to get some rest. I can be rather beastly while cranky."

"Forget about Regina. I was combing the internet tonight and you will never guess what I found." Emma continued. In the background, Gold could hear the click of keys and a mouse tapping under her fingers.

"Explicit pictures, Miss Swann? Or perhaps a video of a wretchedly adorable cat, curled up against an agonizingly cute baby?" The groggy fiend snapped sarcastically. Out of all the things to call for, she chose some internet site!

The sheriff growled slightly at being mocked, and Gold could nearly see the infamous 'Emma glare' through the telephone. "No, look, I know this sounds strange but it's the website about us."

"What do you mean us?" Gold queried a trifle louder than need be.

Belle shifted again by his side, her eyes prying open in confusion and curiosity. Gold made a soothing motion with his hand, goading her to lie back down before adjusting the receiver to his ear.

"I mean…well it's hard to explain." Emma admitted. "Go to your computer, and type in 'fan fiction'. I swear it's the oddest thing. I've already called, Jefferson, August, Ruby, Snow, James, and the others, I'm about to put us on party line."

"This better not be some prank." Gold warned in a seething hiss. He had been Rick Rolled once, it would never happen again!

"Rum what's happening?" Belle inquired sleepily as she rubbed her eyes and sat up beside her mate.

The pawn shop owned murmured something along the lines of cursing Emma a thousand times over, before he leaned towards his wife, and kissed her tenderly upon her dark amber hair. "Some nonsense Miss Emma is blabbering on about concerning the internet. I think she's had one to many drinking contests with Leroy. Nothing to worry over, I'm sure."

"The internet?" Belle echoed.

Gold nodded once as he listened to other phone snap on the line.

Abruptly the beauty arose and scuffled around in the dense darkness, with only a sliver of moonlight fading in through the latticed curtains.

She was back in mere moments holding a fairly new laptop with the apple logo on the top. Clicking the power button on and waiting for the black screen to illuminate to life, the pair put the phone between them to listen in as others came on the line.

"You guys almost there?" Emma asked the persons in hooked into the party line.

"I'm goggling it right now." Ruby confirmed. Behind her the echo of granny's sonorous snores was faintly discernable.

"Yup, me and James are nearly there as well." Snow assured through a yawn.

"Umm, yea I'm to the site now." Hooper replied in his soft, nervous timbre. In the background Pongo let out a whine wanting to be petted while its master combed the internet.

"Affirmative, I'm at the home page now." Jefferson claimed.

"I like typewriters better." August argued sleepily.

"Hello?" A tart, hated voice snapped out over the line. "Who is this, whose calling this house so late?"

"Aw man who called Regina?" Ruby gave a feral growl of disapproval.

"I thought Henry would pick up." Emma admitted sheepishly. "Anyway, your royal highness since you're on the line get to a computer and type in 'fan fiction'."

"What's this all about?" Regina demanded in her haughty uppity tone, though there was a distance sound of slippers slapping against wood floor as she strode to her computer.

"That's what we would care to find out, Majesty." Rum deadpanned with a rude snort.

"In a minute." Emma chided them, as though they were cranky children. "Alright, everyone there?" She asked.

"Yes." Came the slightly annoyed, simultaneous reply.

A deep breath hissed slightly over the ear pieces as the sheriff steadied herself. "Okay, everyone to the search bar type in 'Once Upon a Time."

At that a hundred sounds of clicking keys echoed over the phones before the ominous one click of the 'enter' key that opened a whole new world.

"What in the…"

"How is this possible?"

"Oh my."

"Hey look an ad for skin cream."

"It's…it's us!"

The glow of computer screen reflected off of every stunned face as their eyes combed the titles and description of stories written about them and their town.

"'The Dark Curse is never lifted', 'Emma and Ruby go to Dark Castle', 'For whom the Belle tolls', 'Emma is bests hero of all', 'Sexy Evil Queen'." Snow read the titles and descriptions of the front page off one by one in utter shock.

"H-how would they know about all this?" James confused voice asked over the line. "And what on earth is AU, and fluff?"

"And look at these pairings!" Ruby exclaimed unashamedly much to the disgruntled air of granny as she snored loudly then sunk back down to pill induced sleep. "Emma and Jefferson, Emma and August, Emma and Graham, Emma and Gold, Emma and Hopper, Emma and…Regina!"

Stone silence prevailed upon the long for long minutes at the last pairing. One could have heard a pin drop with the palpable, embarrassed quiet.

Regina cleared her throat once, in a not amused sort of fashion. "The nerve. She's my sworn enemy!"

"Dang Emma, you get around." August finally observed, breaking the embarrassed silence that had taken over the line. "You fall in love with everyone."

"Never seems to work out even in stories." Ruby commented dryly.

"All this angst can't be healthy, nor the drama and all the death." Hopper remarked, his eyes moving rapidly through the lines of text.

"At least there isn't a Ruby and Emm- oh wait I see it." Ruby grimaced, a crimson flush blooming upon her cheeks.

"That's nothing. It looks like Mr. Gold and Belle equal all of ours put together!" Emma stated in a mildly humorous tone to rid the line of awkwardness.

"What!" Gold cried suddenly over the line. He had been enjoying Sherriff Swans' abject embarrassment, even though at the Gold and Emma pairing he'd had to give his wife one long, drawn kiss to quench the brimming outrage sparking in her offended eyes.

Sure enough long lines of Belle Gold pairings listed for pages; of all creatively and lengths. "We seem to be a fan favorite." Gold chuckled, feeling a spec of pride.

"I wonder what this 'M' stands for." Belle murmured curiously, as she scrolled her mouse to it.

"FOR HEAVENS SAKES BELLE, BACKSPACE, BACKSPACE NOW!" Gold cried aghast at the pages worth of adult material.

After the sudden outcry several clicks were heard, probably going where Mr. Gold had asked her to turn away. A few sinkers, mostly from Ruby and Jefferson could be heard quietly over the line, causing Belle to blush fiercely.

"Whoa it says here that Balefire is Henry's father!" Regina blurted suddenly, starling everyone with her crow like voice. "Where's Maury Povich when you need him?"

"Not only that, it says something about captain Hook for a new 'season'." Emma quickly butted in before Mr. Gold could burst into a deluge of tears. Speaking of Belle being lost or his son would instantly turn the big bad Mr. Gold into a weepy water works mess.

"Guys…"Ruby began warily. "Are…are we a T.V show in some alternate universe?"

Gold sniffed, holding back tears at the very mention of his lost son. "That would explain why my twitter is full of women saying that I'm a 'sexy piece of man candy'."

"Also mine, being stalked by people calling themselves the disciples of the 'Evil regal'." Regina added with a grime smile of preening satisfaction.

"Wait minute guys." Jefferson piped up, his tone excited. "If this is a fan fiction site then they must have fan fiction of…"

"Lost!" Everyone, except Belle, yelled in unison.

"It wasn't that great." The russet haired beauty counted with a sigh. "Why can't you people forget about that show?"

"Hush, heathen." Snow scolded off handedly; the sound of the furious rapping of keys nearly deafening her words.

Emma awoke suddenly, to someone furiously knocking on the police station doors. Sliding her dark boots off the steel desk, the sheriff sent empty Styrofoam cups and wrappers to cheese burger tumbling to the floor in a messy heap.

She really, really, shouldn't try to out drink Leroy, the sheriff noted to herself.

A dream, she assured herself as she flung on her read leather jacket, rubbed her dark circled eyes, and staggered to the door. It had to have been a dream, for who wouldn't love Lost and besides, no one would write about a kid's fantasy thinking fairytale characters were real and their boring little lives in the backwoods town called Storybrooke…right?


End file.
